If you must say something
Say "congratulations"
Smile
And walk away
Don’t say
“Keep them coming!”
Don’t ask
How many more
She’ll have
Don’t even say
“I knew it!”
One word
Is all she needs
To know that
There is joy on the
Other side
Of the hip pain
Hernia
Ultrasounds
Constant need to urine
Hemorrhoids
Disturbed sleep
Nipple pain
Cervical checks
24-hour urine tests
Glucose tests
Missed work days
Foggy brain
Worry
Counting kicks
Vitamins
Medicine
Avoiding the foods
She loves the most
Constant discomfort
Swollen ankles
High blood pressure
Lack of energy
Impossible cravings
Fibroids
And such.
And when you dap up
Her husband
Dap her up first.
He is half creator
But she is full carrier
For 9-10 months
When he has no idea
What she is feeling.
They’ll both smile
When that baby’s born
My husband asked me
How I was feeling
And I asked him to imagine
A two pound weight
Way down in his abdomen
Lower
Lower
Lower
Even lower.
That’s how I feel.
And she moves.
Sometimes punching and sliding
At the top and bottom
Of my insides
At the same time.
Men,
Just say congratulations.
And to everyone else
When she is noticeably growing
Just smile and wish her well.
Don’t tell her
What your prayer was
If it was for a certain sex.
She doesn’t care
If it is a boy or girl
And if she does,
It’s too late now.
Two girls already
Does not mean
That she wants a boy next.
And when she has spent
Days and nights
Worried about
What the heck she would do
With a baby boy,
The relief of finding out
That another girl
Is on the way
Is spoiled
When everyone tells her
Their hopes
For a boy
This time.
You have no idea
What she has gone through.
Don’t tell her
That she must try until
She gets one.
Maybe she has been trying
For years.
Maybe she lost one.
Maybe she waited
patiently
For the ones she has.
Maybe she is done.
If you must say something
Share your hopes and prayers
For a healthy baby
An easy pregnancy
And a quick delivery.
Say congratulations.
Ask her what she needs.
Ask her how she’s feeling
And be ready for a face
Instead of words.
Know what to do
When you receive a negative response
Because she is probably happy
Maybe excited
But the wait is long
And the truth is that
She may be coy
And tell you all is well.
But really, she just wants
To go to a quiet room and sleep.
She needs a massage.
She needs a break
From everyone counting on her.
She feels everything all at once,
And knows that more is coming.
She is sick and tired of working.
She is blessed
but feels guilty for wanting more.
She wants to sit comfortably
And lie on her belly again.
I’ve wanted to tell people
That I feel big.
I feel awkward,
I feel dizzy sometimes
After my shower
When getting the kids ready.
Sometimes I have to sit
for a few minutes
Because my heart races
And I lose my breath.
I feel like this third time
Will be the last time
Because this pregnancy
Is somehow harder.
Feels heavier.
And I’m more tired.
I feel like I’m missing things
That I need to see.
And I know that this is temporary
But I feel it all.
I feel like the unseen consequence
Of growing a family
Is that you have to wait
Through all of the things
Happening inside.
It feels lonely sometimes.
Even when there is a whole village
Surrounding you.
The thoughts race
No matter how many times I’ve done this.
And I know
Some other mother feels the same
And I know she is nodding
As she reads this.
So men, just smile and walk away.
--
Tiye Cort Odima is the founder and Global Editor-in-Chief of Feminessay.
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